Well, the wine is sweet
And the music sways
And your lips are so divine
And you say you know
That you’re falling in love
Now, let’s be mature, make sure you’re sure

I’m not accustomed to wearing my feelings
In a place that’s so obvious to see
But if eyes don’t lie
There’s a chance that you are not fooling yourself
and me

Well the night is through
And the sun’s come out
And so too has your lovely smile
And you vow to stay
In these arms always
Can you endure, now are you sure

Love can be so insecure
So please be sure…

really?

So I went through some old emails and came across a convo that I had with a male friend. Have you ever looked back at past conversations or thoughts and completely disagreed with what you said? I have. It usually has to do with growth and not being in the same place in life. That’s not the case this time. This one, I still agree with, and I am certainly not in the same place in life. Interesting.

Question posed to me March 2009:

Do you think that’s its possible/feasible/originally designed for men to be monogamous? From a biological and\or sociological perspective please.

My response:

I honestly think that it wasn’t meant for men to be monogamous. That’s not to say that I want someone who sleeps around. lol. I think that we have bastardized what it means to be in a relationship and to love. Sex is for progeny primarily and pleasure second. We have reversed that. I think that it has a lot to do with the history of the Bible and how the church turned stuff into what they wanted it to be. The institution of marriage as we know it is nothing like what it {has been historically and} was in biblical days.

Think about it. Why are men able to have children through death and women stop after a certain point? Why do most men feel the need to have children in the sense of continuing their bloodline? Spreading seed is innate. I think that many of the things we struggle with in present society are a result of self-imposed constraints. Some stuff we are made to desire…

With that, I don’t think it’s ok to sleep around. There are too many implications that come along with it now…

Him:

It is an interesting topic mainly for the reasons you listed. I have thought about the disproportionate difference in sperm versus eggs, but the seed is meant to be used for progeny. And that’s it. Sexual intercourse is meant to seal the bond of unity.
So the question is: do we just give all men a pass? Do we just say that because it’s not natural to be monogamous, we just excuse all unfaithful men? Under that rationale, we should excuse all male rapists too because many studies have shown that all men possess the ability to rape.

So what do we do? I think the point of monogamy isn’t biology, its self-control. Its having a loaded gun and an attitude and not killing anyone. Sure, you have the ABILITY to stray, but that’s a perversion of “relationship” and “fidelity”. It’s about faithfulness. I think if we could ever really learn relationship, we could solve the infidelity problem and the promiscuity issue.

So I feel your opinion and wanted to know your take on it. Many times, males always justify their promiscuous positions based on the arguments of having all this sperm and even our biblical examples. Women usually contend that fidelity is normal and expected. It’s weird that our positions are the exact opposite. Hmmm…

Me:

“Women usually contend that fidelity is normal and expected. It’s weird that our positions are the exact opposite.  Hmmm…”

I do contend that it is normal and expected, now. We have shaped relationships to be monogamous so that’s what it is. We grow up learning that it’s supposed to be this way. I don’t give anyone a pass. If you CHOOSE to enter a relationship under our current societal expectations, you should stand by your decision. Like you said it all comes down to control. Choice and control are the keys. If a man makes the choice to not get married and bed hop, that’s his choice and I can respect that, as long as he isn’t using deceit to get what he wants. He has to deal with the consequences that come with it.

I don’t think that you and I differ in view at all. I want a relationship under our current societal conditions. I’m just saying biologically, I can’t say that it was “meant” to be this way with full certainty. I don’t think that most people would be able to handle the institution of polygamy as was practiced traditionally, myself included. The definition and purpose of love and family has changed. Clearly God makes no mistakes and has all things happen for a reason.

“I think if we could ever really learn relationship, we could solve the infidelity problem and the promiscuity issue.” – I completely agree. People don’t understand love and/or oneness. Most of that stems from lacking relationship with God but that’s for another conversation.

2010 follow up:

I think it’s natural for men to spread seed because in the beginning of time, we were populating the Earth. I honestly think it’s innate, an extremely natural desire. With this, I believe that women are so sold on the idea of monogamy because of the emergence of romanticism,  which is extremely new within the context of the history of humanity. Do I desire it, hell yes. Do I think this is how it always was? Not so much. Romanticism is one reason why we have so many issues in relationships. We need to get it together and not get so caught up with intangibles. I also think monogamy is related to the “issue” of masturbation but I’ll save that for another day. I have plenty of thoughts on that

what are your thoughts? you’re probably like what THE hell? What’s wrong with this chick? *shrugs* I’m just being polite…

This also made me realize I have  A LOT of work to do in the very near future. *wipes sweat*

5 year plan:

• Mission: admit-grad school (2010)
• Drop 50lbs. (2011)
• GPA no lower than 3.8 in grad school (2011-2013)
• Obtain internships, be actively involved on campus and in professional organizations (2011-2013)
• Win awards for outstanding grad work (2011-2013)
• Get my little brother into college (2013)
• Obtain my Master of Art in Education by 29 (2013)
• Start my consulting company at 29-30 (2013-2014)
• Find a job at a PWI to conduct research relevant to doctoral studies or with a low-moderate minority student affairs dept so I can build it (2013-2014)
• I want to be married by 30 (2013-2014)
• Ensure that my husband has met/is meeting his personal goals and that I am in line with his vision for us (2014)
• **Cannot disclose** (2014)
• Buy a house by 32 (2015)

10 years:

• Travel to at least 2 foreign countries (preferably Africa and Europe) before kids (by 2016)
• Obtain PhD by 33 (2016)
• Attend little brother’s graduation (2017)
• Children by 34; 3 max, 2 preferred; boy then girl; stair stepped or twins (2017)
• Establish a scholarship fund with my husband by 35 (2018)

40 and beyond:

• Have consulted with at least 10 TRIO programs and helped at least 2 colleges/universities by 44 (2027)
• Begin to travel with our children; over 10 years, plan to take them to at least 3 foreign countries and/or 2 diff parts of Africa (2029)
• Our children will enter college on full scholarship (athletic, academic, etc) (2034-2037)
• Buy property outside of our home; it’s the only thing God isn’t making more of (2036 and beyond)
• Double consulting goal by 54 (2037)
• Live to see our children graduate and lead successful lives (2037 and beyond)
• Travel to all continents (minus Antarctica)

Miscellaneous:

• Maintain weight of no more than 160lbs.
• Learn to play piano
• Learn to play guitar
• Write my own music
• Learn at least 2 different languages
• Learn to belly dance
• Learn to pole dance

I want to live a purposeful, intentional, happy, fulfilling life as a wife, lover, mother, sister, auntie, child, grandmother, friend, servant, consultant, department/program director, mentor, mentee, advisor, role model and anything else constructive and supportive. When I die, I want to find comfort in the fact that I exhausted all the gifts, skills and abilities God gave me; know that I served my purpose.

 **This is what being polite LOOKS like

smh. shameful

I was once asked to watch the movie Unfaithful. It’s a movie about a woman who has a solid marriage but is “lacking in passion” (I love Wikipedia by the way). Her husband is a great man and they have a son. She meets a man in the city and begins an affair with him. Long story short, hubby finds out, kills the man, then they find out he was also married, so on and so forth. I was asked to watch the movie because the person said they understood her position and how she could do what she did. You have everything  that one should ask for, but it’s still not enough, because something is lacking. I told the person I thought making that decision was stupid and anyone who would give up all that is good for one thing (that can be worked on) for one thing that is bad is not very smart. Harsh, I know, but that’s how I see it. Things like this say a lot about people’s character to me. People expect too much. In the movie, I feel that she felt there had to be more than what she had. Hell, you have a good, successful spouse, a beautiful child, a nice house etc. and you still want more? Damn! Sit down. Lol. She used the affair as a means of escapism. She should have COMMUNICATED with her husband about how she was feeling, and then they WORK and find solutions to fix it. That’s how you work that.

What are we looking for? I feel like we are looking for something that isn’t there. The perfect mate. We are saturated with delusions of grandeur of what relationships are supposed to be like. Gotta look like this, gotta act like that, gotta know how to f**k; not just f**k but make me wanna throw him/her against the wall every time I see ‘em. Gotta know how to cook and clean, gotta dress well, smell good. Keep the hair and nails (toes especially) right (whatever that means). Gotta make chills go down the spine, create the spark (lol). Has to spend money, meet all my expectations, etc. etc. The list goes on.

What ever happened to having someone who will support you, be patient with you. Who will be willing to work towards the things you desire in a mate if you don’t have said qualities yet. Someone who will guard your secrets and beat down anyone who dares try to hurt you. A homie, lover, friend. Someone who is willing to scratch your dandruff, pop your pimples and pick your buggers (LOL!! Jesus be a fence!). Someone who shares your values and wants the same things out of life as you. A person who accepts you, flaws and all; sees them as perfect imperfections. Doesn’t judge you; who helps you, who is committed to your success. Who sees your vision and is in agreement with and excepting of that vision. Someone who understands you. A person who sees you for you and how you desire to be seen. The person who loves you with the love of God.

Since when is this not enough? Are we supposed to have arm/eye candy and entertainment in a mate and a friend to fulfill all the tangible and meaningful things? There is no perfect person but I’m of the belief that if you don’t look like God used a bunch of spare parts, have good hygiene, aren’t abusive, aren’t crazy, have majority of values and interests in common and/or balance a person out, that’s enough.

The divorce rate is 50%. Why? Because of lack of reality and lack of communication. I am very aware that everyone is different and has different desires but I think we’ve lost what it means to have a mate. Desiring some of the things that I mocked in the second paragraph doesn’t make one shallow or naive, hell, I desire some of them. With that though, I believe not going for a relationship where you have all or most of what’s in the 3rd paragraph for lack of one or 2 of the qualities in the other makes you stupid. (Sorry ) Your mate is your partner, your ride or die, your thick and thin. A person who is there as entertainment or for lust/status is more than likely not going to be that. There is going to be something lacking and you still won’t be happy. When you’re 50 years old and that person has begun to pocket (get fat), hair starts falling out, teeth go missing, infatuation/flame/spark is smothered, etc., then what? Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing…

I am ready to be that ride or die, thick and thin person for someone. I am ready to build and rule an empire with someone. Have a relationship where people say “How do they do it”? Ready to put my all into a person and have them put their all into me, make some money, have some babies and travel the world. That’s not too much to ask, is it???

Until I get it, I’ll continue to do what I do best -be polite.

Time don’t stop and wait for pain
Pain does fade away in time
Guess it all was just a game
When you gave your heart and I gave mine 

I’m okay
I’m just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind 

I’m okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be… 

Must admit you had me fooled
The love felt real, I can’t deny
I really wish I did not know the truth
So I could go back to that lovely lie 

I’m okay
I’m just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind 

I’m okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be 

And it only hurts when I breath
I can’t feel it til I take a breath
And I’m holding on to these false memories
Cause that’s all, all that I’ve got left 

I’m okay
I’m just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind 

I’m okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be 

I’m okay
I’m just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind 

I’m okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be… 

Part 1 about me and epiphanies later. For now, all I’m doing is what I know how to do best: 

 be polite… 

• In the process of building my business, all I’ve heard consistently is that I need to write. 
• A few months ago, a friend of mine that I hadn’t spoken to in a while told me that she had a dream about me and that I was supposed to be a writer. She said “you are already very articulate and delicate with your words, you’re supposed to write”.  I looked at her and told her this has been a recurring theme. She said “that’s because it’s what you’re supposed to be doing”. *sigh*

At this point, I’m like for real God, you just gon’ keep throwing it in my face huh? Well God has a way of getting his point across if we choose to ignore him.

• I’ve been going through a very hurtful, jarring experience the past couple weeks and as I pray, it seems writing is the answer that continues to be presented. For example, out of the blue last night, Duchy {my mom} asked me “do you have a blog? One of my clients asked if you had one, saying she thought you might. I told her you probably did.”

WTH! Where in the world did that come from?? We were just talking about her lack of knowledge about football {still, after all these years, lol}. I guess that’s Him telling me to get it together.

As I reflect upon this realization that I am supposed to be writing (whether serious or for leisure is TBD), I have to ask myself why I don’t want to do this. All of my other attempts at writing have failed miserably, in part due to me constantly telling myself that I don’t have the discipline or the interest for writing. Is this the truth? Yes, lol. I lack discipline in ways unimaginable (in all areas of my life) and I don’t like to write, though I think this is due to lack of focus. I’m SOOOO random. There are always so many things in my head that it is a struggle for me to sit and stay focused on one thing. Writing just isn’t high on my brain’s priority list. Despite this, I am forcing myself to finish this.

When I started being polite, I did it with the “this is what people are doing now, why not try it” frame of mind, knowing I don’t like writing and I don’t like doing things arbitrarily. Plus, we all know how much of a follower I am, right? *chuckle* We see how far that got me, right? This is like my {maybe} 7th post and my site is over a year old. Shameful, I know.

To all things there is a purpose. I think I am close to recognizing that purpose, so with that, here is my honest and INTENTIONAL attempt to do this. I will try my hardest to be consistent. At this point, I’m pretty convinced this is what I’m supposed to be doing. You may not think it’s this serious. My writing may not be for anyone else but for me. It’s that simple and I get it now.

Well, here we go. Feel free to comment and to contact me. Thank you in advance for following my journey. In the mean time, trust that I’m doing what I know how to do best: be polite.

Peace and blessings

To be young, gifted and black
We must begin to tell our young
Don’t you know there’s a whole world waiting for you?
Don’t you know the quest has just begun for you?
Haven’t you heard that the joy-
-the JOY!
-the joy of the day is
That one day that we all be proud to say
That we were young, gifted and black
and it’s sho’ ’nuff where it’s at!

I’ve been gone for AWHILE, I know, but I had to respond to the post on The FreshXpress entitled: Why ARE Black Women So Big?

This is a long post but that’s because this is a challenge. I think many people go to FXP to be entertained. If that’s what you’re looking for, this isn’t the post for you. I would like y’all to put in work on this one. There is some knowledge in here that I would like you to please apply to the questions at the end. You may finish reading this and say WTF? I felt lead to do this because if we can spend 300+ comments talking about a problem, we should be able to do the same to begin thinking about solutions.

I want to first apologize. 1. because I know this dead horse has been beat to death 10x over, 2. because this may seem a little dry for a typical post and 3. because it’s 4:30a and I haven’t been to sleep yet. My apologies if I’m rambling.

If you’re willing to walk with me, I’d like to provide some perspective from a behavioral health standpoint. Before I drop some knowledge, let me provide you with a little professional background for some validity. I have my BS in Health and Wellness, 2 years of nursing school and I am preparing to enter grad school for my Masters of Public Health. I was a manager of a health coaching company, where I helped hundreds of people make successful long term behavior change and I’ve started my own wellness and lifestyle company. I’ve been around

As we talk about if the author of the original post was wrong, hurt feelings and the like, are we REALLY critically thinking about what our issues are and how to fix them? For those who agree, do you at least empathize? When we discuss changing ANY kind of behavior, we must critically think. In the original post, it doesn’t seem that there was much of that going on. Anyone can sit and point out surface issues about someone else, just like my 5 year old God-daughter can hurl insults that will cut the strongest of men. It means nothing when it comes to getting to the root of the problem. If we are going to address an issue, let’s address it. Making a change in one’s life, such as weight loss, is so much more complex than just “eating healthy” and “physical activity”. What about the emotional, psychological, environmental, economic, spiritual and mental barriers that many of OUR people face? Hell, all people. I think it stands to be said that this is not so much a “black issue” as it is an American one that has a more profound impact on us because of socioeconomics. It’s so much deeper than calling people hippos. It also stands to be said that this is NOT a black women thing because for every overweight black woman, I can give you 2 overweight black men. If we are going to be critical, we aren’t going to hold double standards. Black women love to eat but so do Black men. If we’re cooking and/or eating, they’re eating. Period.

Now, I have often seen accusations of elitism on the site, so I would ask you, the “Elite”, the “Talented Tenth”, to please allow me to propose a concept to jump start some critical thinking; Behavior change theories. How many of y’all knew these existed??

• The Health Belief Model proposes that a person’s health-related behavior depends on their perception of four areas: the severity of a potential illness, the person’s susceptibility to that illness, the benefits of taking a preventive action, and the barriers to taking that action. The model also incorporates cues to action as important elements in eliciting or maintaining patterns of behavior and the construct of self-efficacy, or a person’s confidence in his or her ability to successfully perform an action.

Ex: If a person grew up in a household where the importance of eating healthy and being physically active was not emphasized, s/he may not perceive these as negative actions or attribute failing health to these things. When they are told they have to make changes to have a good quality of life, they have to be intentional and give themselves reminders (cues to action) to eat and exercise on schedule. If they don’t have the confidence in themselves to think they’ll be successful, they won’t be.

• The Trans-Theoretical Model (Stages of Change) consists of five-stages related to a person’s readiness to change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. People are thought to progress through these stages at varying rates, often moving back and forth along the continuum a number of times before maintaining. This leads to the stages being better described as spiraling or cyclical rather than linear. In this model, people use different processes of change as they move from one stage of change to another. Efficient self-change thus depends on doing the right thing (processes) at the right time (stages). According to this theory, tailoring interventions to match a person’s readiness or stage of change is essential.

Ex: A guy who used to weigh 240lbs now weighs 290lbs. At first, he goes from not thinking the 50lbs is an issue, to realizing the issue exists, because he is out of breath going up stairs. He then decides that it is time to do something about the weight he gained and joins a gym. He begins working out 3 days/wk consistently and loses the 50lbs. Once he loses the weight, he keeps it off by continuing to exercise and being conscious of his weaknesses. He told his friend about what he did to lose weight and it didn’t work for him. He needed a personal trainer because he didn’t have the motivation and discipline his friend had.

• The Theory of Reasoned Action states that individual performance of a given behavior is primarily determined by a person’s intention to perform that behavior. This intention is determined by two major factors: the person’s attitude toward the behavior (i.e., beliefs about the outcomes of the behavior and the value of these outcomes) and the influence of the person’s social environment or subjective norm (i.e., beliefs about what other people think the person should do, as well as the person’s motivation to comply with the opinions of others). The theory of planned behavior adds to the theory of reasoned action the concept of perceived control over the opportunities, resources, and skills necessary to perform a behavior. The concept of perceived behavioral control is similar to the concept of self-efficacy. Perceived behavioral control over opportunities, resources, and skills necessary to perform a behavior is believed to be a critical aspect of behavior change processes.

Ex: If a woman is a size 16 but the rest of the women in her family are size 20+, she will not feel uncomfortable about her weight because she is the smallest woman in the family. She doesn’t struggle with any chronic diseases and her family tells her that she is skinny. What reasons would she have for making changes?

• Social Cognitive Theory proposes that behavior change is affected by environmental influences, personal factors, and attributes of the behavior itself. Each may affect or be affected by either of the other two. A central tenet of this theory is the concept of self-efficacy. A person must believe in his or her capability to perform the behavior AND must perceive an incentive to do so (i.e., the person’s positive expectations from performing the behavior must outweigh the negative expectations). Additionally, a person must VALUE the outcomes or consequences that he or she believes will occur as a result of performing a specific behavior or action. Outcomes may be classified as having immediate benefits (e.g., feeling energized following physical activity) or long-term benefits (e.g., experiencing improvements in cardiovascular health as a result of physical activity). Because expected outcomes are filtered through a person’s expectations or perceptions of being able to perform the behavior in the first place, self-efficacy is believed to be the single most important characteristic that determines a person’s behavior change.

Ex: A woman’s doctor has informed her that if she doesn’t stop her poor eating habits and lack of physical activity, she will be put on medication for diabetes and high blood pressure. She and her family think the doctor doesn’t know what he’s talking about because her father and grandmother both had hypertension and diabetes, weren’t on medication and lived to be in their 80s and 90s respectively. Why would she have to suffer more than either of them? She doesn’t value the outcomes OR the consequences and therefore does not see this behavior change as benefit to her.

This is a lot and I understand this is not lecture. Yes these are just “theories” but you can’t say they don’t hold validity. Our weight (and health in general), must be attributed to more than just the way we eat, when looking at history. Yes many of us understand that our food derived from slave food but also recognize for many families,  teaching the girl how to cook was the rite of passage and often times, the only thing women had to pass to younger generations. Given this, food was {and is} prepared according to Big Mama’s recipe because of the desire to hold on to the only tradition they may have. With this, it also has a lot to do with how much we believe about what we are told, the amount of trust in the system and what we attribute value to. Getting hair and nails done has to do with those things we place value upon, as well as media portrayal and perceived quality of life. Not to mention the lack of grocery stores and the abundance of fast food in our neighborhoods. I want to go so much deeper but I’ll spare you.

I know most of y’all looking at the theories and are saying, “this is common sense”. Well common sense obviously isn’t all that common. Some may think “WTF is your point?” My point is behavior change is more than changing a specific behavior, it is learning a new set of skills for a new behavior. Is this something we are willing to acknowledge? Outside of the struggles of acceptance and loving one’s self, having to defend one’s self, and trying to understand it all, weight loss encompasses other very real issues that need to be addressed. Abuse, neglect, molestation, poor parenting, education, resources etc. all contribute to the struggle. Also, I often get the feeling that we look at weight loss differently than we do condom use, drug addiction, alcoholism, tobacco use, etc. These are all things within our control. Don’t believe me, exchange weight loss for condom use in any of those theories. Doesn’t apply? Sharpen your thinking skills. Why so much hate on weight when these are things that plague our communities just the same? Yes, I know weight is the #1 contributor to most of the conditions that plague us but understand that weight is just as complex as an addiction to a narcotic.

Being called names and ridiculed about something is the most discouraging thing for anyone fighting with anything. Would people have accepted a post like that if she was talking about battered women? There are many people who strongly believe that women can get out those situations whenever they’re ready. I doubt that it would have been accepted. Yes, it’s that serious. Everyone out there struggles with something. Let’s not cast stones.

Some personal background: I told you at the beginning about all of the “education” I have right? Well how do you feel about the info I dropped if I now tell you that I struggle with my weight? I’m one of those size 14-16 “hippos” that were called out in the OP. How can one have all of this knowledge, know what do to, have helped numerous people lose and keep it off, and struggle with their own weight? It’s complex. With some things I understand why I struggle, others I don’t. I don’t have the ability or all of the resources needed to completely overcome my issues. Goes to show that it isn’t all knowledge or just “get up and do it”. I share this with you lovely people to say that everything can’t be summed up to just being an excuse or being lazy. I love myself and accept myself but know that I am a work in progress. I believe it to be a part of my purpose to struggle with my weight so that I can more effectively impact those I will serve. Don’t be so quick to judge and assume. If weight is someone’s struggle, respect it like you respect your own issues and the journey you’ve had because of them. To all things there is a purpose.

In closing, despite all that I’ve said, remember that in all things personal responsibility comes first. If you have to resources to get help, get it. The first step is acknowledging you need help. It is time we start airing out our wounds to allow them to heal, rather than keep them covered, allowing them to fester and infect us more and more. I challenge all of us to be more honest and open with ourselves and to then do what needs to be done for successful, positive change.

I propose the same (though slightly modified) questions my sis asked at the end of her post, with a couple of additions: What do you think of the theories? Are they valid and applicable? What do you think is contributing to the obesity in the Black community? What are your thoughts on how big Black people are compared to other cultures? What can we do as a community to improve our overall health and lifestyle?

**EndNote: When did we stop caring about each other? Honestly, if y’all don’t give me an answer to anything else, I would like an answer to that. There is so much blatant disrespect and disregard running around. It’s disheartening and demoralizing**

If you ever have health related questions, need to know where to start for help or need resources, please email me at alwaysbepolite@gmail.com

love much, live well, dream big, laugh often, be sincere, be polite.

1. Someone has called me begging for company for the evening, and I get in free
2. Favorite DJ is spinning, and I get in free
3. There is a concert and I get in free
4. It’s someone’s bday and I get in free (not even all the time with this one)
5. I’m bored and I get in free (Not that often. I’d rather sit on my couch and watch reruns of Law and Order SVU)

See the correlation? I refuse to pay to listen to a wack DJ, when I could have sat at home and listened to better music, for free, and had more fun. **Side note: Soulja Boy is NOT club music. I don’t know who even made the executive decision to allow him to be played in 21+ venues but whatever.** I also will not pay to see the same people who I see on a very regular basis, for free. Many of them get on my nerves without alcohol and an audience, why would I subject myself to them in this environment?? I have been told that I look evil in the club. I probably do sometimes. People are irritating. I have seen more movies in the club than I have at the theatre (i.e. City of God, Smokin Aces, Fast and the Furious 8). 

Don’t get me wrong, I have had some GREAT times at the club and will probably have more. I’m just over the regular, every week/month, paying $10 to be around the “act like they’re drunk but only had 2 drinks”, cardboard and boo-boo breath smelling, red and blonde nappy weave, heels leaning on the everlasting arms wearing, sweaty pork rind eating, musty, chicken and fish grease reeking, backfat hanging out, muffin top looking, 100% rat ass fake fur wearing, can’t hold dark liquor but you’re trying to impress somebody, 33-year-old been in the club scene since you were 18 but can’t seem to let go, soulja boy dancing, passed out on the couch slobbering, got a baby sitter for the night so you feel you gotta get it in, pushing females out of the way to be on your boys’ sack, Homies-over Hoes acting, just turned 21 so you gotta act how you think they act in the videos, just got your outfit from a store you can’t afford but your lights are cut off, renting cars every weekend but don’t have your own car stunting, don’t want to sweat bc you got in cheap weave that will tangle raggedy, got your butt and boobs hanging out but get an attitude when dudes are all in your face desperate, metrosexual spent more time in the mirror than all the chicks homo, 20 bottles of get-back wearing, type of people! 

I can smell old fish grease and henny through the picture! it's coming out their pores!!

I was having a convo with a friend who frequents the club due to his profession and he was telling me that he sees people having sex in the club all the time. Now, I’m not so naïve that I didn’t think this happened, but eww, regularly? I’m tempted to take a blacklight to 5 clubs/bars in the city and see what I get. That’s nasty as hell. Not so much because other people are around (though that’s nasty too) but think of all the germs floating in the open air. Now, I know that it’s highly unlikely for something airborne to get sucked into a woman’s delightful abyss but just think about everything you touch while you’re out. Eww. Sex is messy. There is a lot of touching and rubbing and slipping out and putting back in etc., especially if you are trying to do it standing up, discreetly. That’s a bit too much germ mixing for me. And think about what you’ve touched that the last couple who just busted one in the corner touched. That’s too much. Stop with this bull sh*t. 

Now, there is one instance when I will go out and I’m willing to pay: When I’m out of town. 

This is acceptable in everyone’s book I would think. You aren’t at home, you want to kick it, maybe do some things that you wouldn’t do at home but since no one there knows you, you can get away with it. Now this can be lots of fun or a catastrophe. There doesn’t seem to be too much middle ground when it comes to going to the club while out of town. 

My most recent experience was a disaster. I should never walk in a club and see a girl with her leggings pulled down in the back, exposing her ass, shaking it in the face of some dumb dude who is damn near motorboating her butt cheeks. This was not a strip club or anything of the sort. I was soo shocked and appalled. What in the world was going on here? I was so confused! Then, I’ve never seen so much butt crack because of low rise jeans in my life. Since when is butt crack sexy? Just random cracks roaming around the room. I was so pissed and confused last weekend. What the hell is wrong with people?? Then I remembered I was in Cleveland and that answered EVERYTHING.

So, I was chillin on the stoop and Dre said he didn’t think most people would be willing to die for their faith.

I got to thinking, most people are afraid to die, just in general. I personally am not. I of course don’t want to and think of my family not having me around and the pain they would endure but still, not afraid.

Are you? why or why not? This doesn’t have to be in the context of faith or religion. Are you willing to die for anything?