what I know how to do best

smh. shameful

I was once asked to watch the movie Unfaithful. It’s a movie about a woman who has a solid marriage but is “lacking in passion” (I love Wikipedia by the way). Her husband is a great man and they have a son. She meets a man in the city and begins an affair with him. Long story short, hubby finds out, kills the man, then they find out he was also married, so on and so forth. I was asked to watch the movie because the person said they understood her position and how she could do what she did. You have everything  that one should ask for, but it’s still not enough, because something is lacking. I told the person I thought making that decision was stupid and anyone who would give up all that is good for one thing (that can be worked on) for one thing that is bad is not very smart. Harsh, I know, but that’s how I see it. Things like this say a lot about people’s character to me. People expect too much. In the movie, I feel that she felt there had to be more than what she had. Hell, you have a good, successful spouse, a beautiful child, a nice house etc. and you still want more? Damn! Sit down. Lol. She used the affair as a means of escapism. She should have COMMUNICATED with her husband about how she was feeling, and then they WORK and find solutions to fix it. That’s how you work that.

What are we looking for? I feel like we are looking for something that isn’t there. The perfect mate. We are saturated with delusions of grandeur of what relationships are supposed to be like. Gotta look like this, gotta act like that, gotta know how to f**k; not just f**k but make me wanna throw him/her against the wall every time I see ‘em. Gotta know how to cook and clean, gotta dress well, smell good. Keep the hair and nails (toes especially) right (whatever that means). Gotta make chills go down the spine, create the spark (lol). Has to spend money, meet all my expectations, etc. etc. The list goes on.

What ever happened to having someone who will support you, be patient with you. Who will be willing to work towards the things you desire in a mate if you don’t have said qualities yet. Someone who will guard your secrets and beat down anyone who dares try to hurt you. A homie, lover, friend. Someone who is willing to scratch your dandruff, pop your pimples and pick your buggers (LOL!! Jesus be a fence!). Someone who shares your values and wants the same things out of life as you. A person who accepts you, flaws and all; sees them as perfect imperfections. Doesn’t judge you; who helps you, who is committed to your success. Who sees your vision and is in agreement with and excepting of that vision. Someone who understands you. A person who sees you for you and how you desire to be seen. The person who loves you with the love of God.

Since when is this not enough? Are we supposed to have arm/eye candy and entertainment in a mate and a friend to fulfill all the tangible and meaningful things? There is no perfect person but I’m of the belief that if you don’t look like God used a bunch of spare parts, have good hygiene, aren’t abusive, aren’t crazy, have majority of values and interests in common and/or balance a person out, that’s enough.

The divorce rate is 50%. Why? Because of lack of reality and lack of communication. I am very aware that everyone is different and has different desires but I think we’ve lost what it means to have a mate. Desiring some of the things that I mocked in the second paragraph doesn’t make one shallow or naive, hell, I desire some of them. With that though, I believe not going for a relationship where you have all or most of what’s in the 3rd paragraph for lack of one or 2 of the qualities in the other makes you stupid. (Sorry ) Your mate is your partner, your ride or die, your thick and thin. A person who is there as entertainment or for lust/status is more than likely not going to be that. There is going to be something lacking and you still won’t be happy. When you’re 50 years old and that person has begun to pocket (get fat), hair starts falling out, teeth go missing, infatuation/flame/spark is smothered, etc., then what? Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing…

I am ready to be that ride or die, thick and thin person for someone. I am ready to build and rule an empire with someone. Have a relationship where people say “How do they do it”? Ready to put my all into a person and have them put their all into me, make some money, have some babies and travel the world. That’s not too much to ask, is it???

Until I get it, I’ll continue to do what I do best -be polite.