perfect advice

Well the night is young
And the stars are out
And your eyes are all aglow
And you say you feel
Ways you’ve never felt
But are you sure, make sure you’re sure

Well, the wine is sweet
And the music sways
And your lips are so divine
And you say you know
That you’re falling in love
Now, let’s be mature, make sure you’re sure

I’m not accustomed to wearing my feelings
In a place that’s so obvious to see
But if eyes don’t lie
There’s a chance that you are not fooling yourself
and me

Well the night is through
And the sun’s come out
And so too has your lovely smile
And you vow to stay
In these arms always
Can you endure, now are you sure

Love can be so insecure
So please be sure…

men and monogamy

really?

So I went through some old emails and came across a convo that I had with a male friend. Have you ever looked back at past conversations or thoughts and completely disagreed with what you said? I have. It usually has to do with growth and not being in the same place in life. That’s not the case this time. This one, I still agree with, and I am certainly not in the same place in life. Interesting.

Question posed to me March 2009:

Do you think that’s its possible/feasible/originally designed for men to be monogamous? From a biological and\or sociological perspective please. Read more

write the vision…

I finally made myself sit down and write out what I want for myself from this thing called life. I’m big on expectations and I realized that I need to have some solid expectations of myself; something so I can check myself when I start slipping. It really is true that putting pen to paper makes it real. Extracting these thoughts from my mind made them feel real, as if they had LIFE. That’s because they do. I’ve decided that if circumstances arise that don’t contribute to these things, I won’t be providing them with much energy. I feel that God places desires in your heart because they are a part of His purpose for you. I pray my vision is in line with His will for me. I’m not asking for much! :)

This also made me realize I have  A LOT of work to do in the very near future. *wipes sweat*

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what more do you need?? sheesh!

smh. shameful

I was once asked to watch the movie Unfaithful. It’s a movie about a woman who has a solid marriage but is “lacking in passion” (I love Wikipedia by the way). Her husband is a great man and they have a son. She meets a man in the city and begins an affair with him. Long story short, hubby finds out, kills the man, then they find out he was also married, so on and so forth. I was asked to watch the movie because the person said they understood her position and how she could do what she did. You have everything  that one should ask for, but it’s still not enough, because something is lacking. I told the person I thought making that decision was stupid and anyone who would give up all that is good for one thing (that can be worked on) for one thing that is bad is not very smart. Harsh, I know, but that’s how I see it. Things like this say a lot about people’s character to me. People expect too much. In the movie, I feel that she felt there had to be more than what she had. Hell, you have a good, successful spouse, a beautiful child, a nice house etc. and you still want more? Damn! Sit down. Lol. She used the affair as a means of escapism. She should have COMMUNICATED with her husband about how she was feeling, and then they WORK and find solutions to fix it. That’s how you work that.

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and it comes to me, like an epiphany {Part 2}: i’m ok…

 

Time don’t stop and wait for pain
Pain does fade away in time
Guess it all was just a game
When you gave your heart and I gave mine
 

I’m okay
I’m just fine
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind
 

 

I’m okay
My memories, they comfort me
Thoughts of what we used to be…
 

 

 

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i’ll stop fighting (well i’ll try)

People have always thought of me as a writer. I have no idea why. I remember every instance of someone mentioning it to me though. Here are a few recent examples {recent as in May 2010 til yesterday, lol}:

  • In the process of building my business, all I’ve heard consistently is that I need to write. 
  • A few months ago, a friend of mine that I hadn’t spoken to in a while told me that she had a dream about me and that I was supposed to be a writer. She said “you are already very articulate and delicate with your words, you’re supposed to write”.  I looked at her and told her this has been a recurring theme. She said “that’s because it’s what you’re supposed to be doing”. *sigh*

At this point, I’m like for real God, you just gon’ keep throwing it in my face huh? Well God has a way of getting his point across if we choose to ignore him. Read more

young, gifted and black

To be young, gifted and black
Oh what a lovely precious dream
To be young, gifted and black
Open up your heart to what I mean
‘Cause you know in this whole wide world
There’s a million, A MILLION boys and girls
Who are young, gifted and black
And that’s a fact!

To be young, gifted and black
We must begin to tell our young
Don’t you know there’s a whole world waiting for you?
Don’t you know the quest has just begun for you?
Haven’t you heard that the joy-
-the JOY!
-the joy of the day is
That one day that we all be proud to say
That we were young, gifted and black
and it’s sho’ ’nuff where it’s at!

reasons we justify the fat: it’s complex

I’ve been gone for AWHILE, I know, but I had to respond to the post on The FreshXpress entitled: Why ARE Black Women So Big?

This is a long post but that’s because this is a challenge. I think many people go to FXP to be entertained. If that’s what you’re looking for, this isn’t the post for you. I would like y’all to put in work on this one. There is some knowledge in here that I would like you to please apply to the questions at the end. You may finish reading this and say WTF? I felt lead to do this because if we can spend 300+ comments talking about a problem, we should be able to do the same to begin thinking about solutions.

I want to first apologize. 1. because I know this dead horse has been beat to death 10x over, 2. because this may seem a little dry for a typical post and 3. because it’s 4:30a and I haven’t been to sleep yet. My apologies if I’m rambling.

If you’re willing to walk with me, I’d like to provide some perspective from a behavioral health standpoint. Before I drop some knowledge, let me provide you with a little professional background for some validity. I have my BS in Health and Wellness, 2 years of nursing school and I am preparing to enter grad school for my Masters of Public Health. I was a manager of a health coaching company, where I helped hundreds of people make successful long term behavior change and I’ve started my own wellness and lifestyle company. I’ve been around :)

As we talk about if the author of the original post was wrong, hurt feelings and the like, are we REALLY critically thinking about what our issues are and how to fix them? For those who agree, do you at least empathize? When we discuss changing ANY kind of behavior, we must critically think. In the original post, it doesn’t seem that there was much of that going on. Anyone can sit and point out surface issues about someone else, just like my 5 year old God-daughter can hurl insults that will cut the strongest of men. It means nothing when it comes to getting to the root of the problem. If we are going to address an issue, let’s address it. Making a change in one’s life, such as weight loss, is so much more complex than just “eating healthy” and “physical activity”. What about the emotional, psychological, environmental, economic, spiritual and mental barriers that many of OUR people face? Hell, all people. I think it stands to be said that this is not so much a “black issue” as it is an American one that has a more profound impact on us because of socioeconomics. It’s so much deeper than calling people hippos. It also stands to be said that this is NOT a black women thing because for every overweight black woman, I can give you 2 overweight black men. If we are going to be critical, we aren’t going to hold double standards. Black women love to eat but so do Black men. If we’re cooking and/or eating, they’re eating. Period.

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club hate

I hate the club. With a passion. When I go it’s because: 

  1. Someone has called me begging for company for the evening, and I get in free
  2. Favorite DJ is spinning, and I get in free
  3. There is a concert and I get in free
  4. It’s someone’s bday and I get in free (not even all the time with this one)
  5. I’m bored and I get in free (Not that often. I’d rather sit on my couch and watch reruns of Law and Order SVU)

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inquiring minds

I know I’ve been away for awhile, I’m trying to get better at this, I promise!

So, I was chillin on the stoop and Dre said he didn’t think most people would be willing to die for their faith.

I got to thinking, most people are afraid to die, just in general. I personally am not. I of course don’t want to and think of my family not having me around and the pain they would endure but still, not afraid.

Are you? why or why not? This doesn’t have to be in the context of faith or religion. Are you willing to die for anything?

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